Oh my how time ticks on! This week marks one month until our due date and I am working on processing the fact that – assuming that the little Gelfling doesn’t see fit to make an early appearance – we’re having a baby next month!
I do so admire those “proper” bloggers with weekly pregnancy diary entries. As-per-usual although I’ve got journal pages filled with scribbled, insomnia-fuelled musings on pregnancy and impending motherhood, I’ve really not done a great job at documenting my pregnancy here in blog form at all. That said, as I wind down things with work I’m hoping that I’ll find time for a little more blogging. So over the next few weeks, I’m going to do my best to get some of these posts that have been floating around in my head down and indulge in squeezing in a whole bunch of bump pics!
Nine months is of course not such a long time in the grand scheme of things, but looking back on the year it definitely feels like I’ve been pregnant for a long time. Although it’s a constant marvel I’ve also got very used to my new shape and as we head towards the finish line, I can’t help but wonder about how much I’ll miss this bump of mine. I know my arms will be full of a wriggling baby instead of my tummy, but I feel like I’m bound to miss these kicks, rolls, and hiccups that have become such a familiar and comforting part of me.
4 months to go – August afternoon on Troopers Hill.
I’ve found that pregnancy has brought a sort of body confidence that I’ve never really experienced before. There’s been a shift in the way I feel about my appearance, a pride in my changing shape and swelling belly. I suppose it’s not particularly odd to feel more positive about your body during pregnancy after all a bump gets larger and rounder as a direct result of a healthy babe growing inside and of course that’s something to be celebrated. But it’s really made me realise how much of a difference there’s been to my mindset since becoming pregnant.
I wouldn’t have said that I had particularly low body confidence but I didn’t realise how often I would judge and berate myself until that nasty internal voice had been replaced with an altogether gentler supportive one. I would also have claimed to have had a pretty healthy relationship with food but with hindsight, I realise how much I would restrict certain food groups or beat myself up for having ‘treats’.
Three months to go – Celebrating our second wedding anniversary at Widbrook Grange
It was a change that came quickly too. When my weeks young fetus was barely strawberry sized I was quite happy to see my tiny bump start to show under my clothes even though it was basically all bloating and gas. I guess I was just excited to see that something was happening but still, as someone who’s spent a large part of my life sucking my belly in it felt like quite a big attitude shift.
Don’t get me wrong living in my pregnant body hasn’t been all rainbows and light by any means. There have been aches that have lasted for days and carpal tunnel syndrome that shoots pains through the joints in my hands and feet. I now understand the true meaning of the phrase bone-tired and I have literally cried about how big the bags under my eyes have been…needless to say, that didn’t really help the situation. But despite those grumbles it’s hard for me not to feel anything but immense gratitude and kindness towards my tired aching body.
Two months to go – “look Ma no hands!”
How this will leave me feeling about my postpartum body is a mystery. Will this newly found self-love continue when it’s just me in here? When it’s not deemed a beautiful by society’s standards to walk around proudly rubbing a pot belly, will I still approach my appearance with kindness and gratitude?
I hope so – I hope I can still marvel and celebrate a body that is able to sustain another human. To nourish myself with food and exercise but not to beat myself up if I don’t. To greet my reflection with a kind and gentle internal voice. At the very least, I would like to think that regardless of having a son or a daughter, I can avoid teaching them that it’s normal to look in the mirror and criticise what you see or that some foods are good and others evil.
Because really; pregnant, postpartum or not – wouldn’t it be nice if we could all be a little kinder to ourselves and feel good in our own skin all the time?
I’d love to know how you’ve felt about your pregnancy or postpartum bodies. Any advise for keeping the good vibes going?